When we're falling in love, our biology is doing so much work for us. It's pushing us toward kindness and caring and being concerned about our partner. But those feelings fade after a while.

once you're an adult, once you've done some personal work, is if you're ready, take a risk and see if feeling that you've made a mistake, being perceived as having made a mistake, is actually going to kill you. As immediate, embodied, non-interpretive experiencing. And then see if that panic is an accurate signal now that somebody is actually going to harm you.

These are very deeply embedded patterns, and I find that we have to keep voluntarily doing the counter-instinctual work of taking ourself into exactly what we've organized our life trying to not feel. Over and over and over, maybe thousands of times. It's a long-term practice, but if we practice something, we'd probably get better at it. And better in this case means you don't get rid of those feelings, you just stop being so captured by them.