Codependency Couples Therapy in Roseville, CA
If you are struggling with codependency in your relationship, Couples Therapy can help. Your first session is free.
What Is Codependency, Really?
Codependency isn't a diagnosis or a label to fear. At its core, it's a pattern where one or both partners become so focused on the other person's feelings, needs, and problems that their own sense of self starts to blur. It often looks like deep devotion from the outside, but on the inside it can feel like anxiety, resentment, or a quiet emptiness.
You might recognize it in moments like these: saying "I'm fine" when you're not, because you don't want to be a burden. Feeling responsible for your partner's mood. Struggling to make decisions without checking in with them first. Apologizing for things that aren't your fault just to keep the peace.
These aren't signs that you're broken. They're signs that somewhere along the way, you learned that love means putting yourself last.
How Does It Show Up in Couples?
In a relationship, codependency often creates an unspoken contract: one person over-functions (fixing, managing, caretaking) while the other under-functions (withdrawing, avoiding, or leaning heavily on their partner). Neither role feels good. The caretaker burns out. The other partner feels smothered or incapable. Both end up lonely, even while sitting on the same couch.
Over time, this can lead to a cycle where honest communication gets replaced by mind-reading, people-pleasing, or conflict avoidance. Resentment builds quietly. Intimacy — the real, vulnerable kind — becomes harder to reach.
Where Does It Come From?
Codependency usually doesn't start in your current relationship. It often traces back to childhood, where you may have learned that love was conditional — that you had to earn it by being helpful, quiet, perfect, or by managing someone else's emotions. Those survival skills made sense back then. They kept you safe. But in an adult partnership, they can keep you small.
Understanding this isn't about blaming your parents or your past. It's about recognizing that you brought certain habits into your relationship without choosing them, and that now you get to choose differently.
What Can Change?
The good news is that codependency responds well to awareness and intention. Couples therapy offers a space to slow down and look at the patterns between you — not to assign blame, but to understand the dance you've been doing together and start learning new steps.
Here are a few things that tend to shift when couples begin this work. You start identifying what you actually feel and need, not just what your partner feels and needs. You practice setting boundaries that aren't walls — they're invitations for a healthier connection. You learn that disagreement isn't the same as abandonment. You begin to see your partner as a separate person you love, not a project you manage or a mirror that defines you.
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James M. Christensen, LMFT
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