The 50/50 Principle

I’ve worked with hundreds of couples and I have yet to meet a couple where one person was a lot more mature than the other. As a general rule, we tend to be romantically attracted to people who are at least as emotionally mature This means that long-term relationships end up forming between two people with similar levels of emotional maturity. Once a relationship forms, couples tend to grow or stagnate together, so it’s quite rare to find a couple where one person is significantly more mature than the other. 

Most of us think we’re more mature than our partners, but it’s just not true. You might be immature in different ways, but you’re not operating on a higher playing field. Your total immaturity is equivalent to your partner’s immaturity, it just has a different feel to it. 

The 50/50 rule is useful because it’s easier for me to see my wife’s immaturity than to see my own immaturity. When I do see significant immaturity in my wife, it’s worth remembering that I have equivalent immaturity on my side, I’m just not as good at seeing it.