The Victim Triangle

The Victim Triangle describes three roles we take on in challenging situations: 

1. Victim

• Feels oppressed and powerless, can’t solve problems or make decisions

• Seeks help from rescuers but resists solutions

• Derives sense of self from feeling persecuted

2. Perpetrator

• Controls and manipulates others

• Derives sense of self from feeling superior

3. Rescuer

• Feels compelled to take on burdens that belong to others

• Feels guilty when not helping

• Derives sense of self from feeling needed

All three roles are dysfunctional, and each role enables the other two. It’s common to combine roles and switch between roles.

When you stay in your corner of the triangle, you make it easy for others to stay in their own corners. When you leave your corner, you make it easier for others to leave their corners.

Moving into the victim corner enables perpetrators and rescuers. Moving into the perpetrator or rescuer corner enables victims. 

Courage, kindness, and personal responsibility help you move to the center of the triangle. You can tell which corner you’re in by observing what other people are doing in your life. If the other person is in the victim corner, you’re in the perpetrator or rescuer corner. If the other person is in the rescuer or perpetrator corner, you’re in the victim corner. 

Your power lies in coming out of your own corner, not trying to make them come out of their corner. 

Leaving the the rescuer corner makes it easier for victims to stop being victims. The same is true for leaving the perpetrator corner. Leaving the victim corner makes it harder for perpetrators to take advantage of you.