Parental Blindness

A child’s brain has a safety filter that prevents the child from clearly seeing the worst things the parents parents are doing

We still learn to replicate those things, but we remain blind to them unless we do something about the filter. 

I talk to clients about this every day. It takes a lot of work to help people see things that fall within the zone of parental blindness. I carefully gather evidence, use examples, and comment on things that happen in session. 

The most powerful tool I use is the written mental dialogue, which is an imaginary conversation where you practice talking to your parents about their worst parts. This forces your brain to lower the safety shield. You visualize the conversation and imagine how to respond with strength and compassion. You get inside your parents’ minds, figuring out how they see you and how they feel about you. 

Relationships get better when we deal with our worst parts, and we can’t do that until we get clear on the worst parts of our parents.