Why do we Create False Realities?
We use false realities to justify bad behavior, intense feelings, and lack of action.
We create false realities when we don’t want to face what’s actually true about ourselves. After creating a false reality, we usually try to get other people to believe it too.
For example:
Jeff is an abusive husband. He can deal with this reality in a three ways:
Pretend he’s not abusive (false reality)
Acknowledge the abuse but pretend he has no other choice (false reality)
Acknowledge the abuse and his choices (actual reality)
If Jeff chooses the third option, he will have to face the uncomfortable reality that he’s choosing to be abusive.
Laura is a controlling mother. She can deal with this reality in three ways:
Pretend she’s not controlling (false reality)
Acknowledge that she’s controlling but pretend she has no other choice (false reality)
Acknowledge that she’s controlling and that she could choose to not be controlling if she really wanted to (actual reality)
If Laura chooses the third option, she will have to face the third option of what she’s really like.
Tom is an avoidant partner. He can deal with this reality in three ways:
Pretend that he’s not avoidant (false reality)
Acknowledge that he’s avoidant, but pretend that he has no other choice (false reality)
Acknowledge that he’s avoidant and that he could change if he really wanted to (actual reality)
If Tom chooses the third option, he will have to face the uncomfortable reality of what he’s really like.
We usually use a combination of the first and second option because we don’t want to face the reality of what we’re really like. Getting rid of false realities means coming into contact with what’s real, including the way we treat the people we claim to love.
