Couples Counseling: Gottman vs EFT

Here are the main differences between Gottman and EFT, the two most popular approaches to couples counseling in the United States:

• What They Focus On

  • Gottman: Works on changing harmful communication patterns and building stronger friendship between partners. Uses structured exercises to teach new relationship skills.

  • EFT: Focuses on building emotional safety by helping couples understand their deeper needs. Explores vulnerable feelings and works to change negative patterns at an emotional level.

• Skills vs. Feelings

  • Gottman: Teaches specific tools for handling conflict (like speaking gently, taking breaks, listening well) and showing appreciation. While emotions matter, it's more about learning practical skills.

  • EFT: Strongly emphasizes emotional experiences and building secure attachment. While communication skills are part of it, the main focus is exploring feelings and building emotional connection.

• How Sessions Work

  • Gottman: Uses structured activities, relationship questionnaires ("Love Maps"), and practice of new communication skills. Sessions feel more like coaching with specific exercises and worksheets.

  • EFT: Follows three stages: identifying negative patterns, exploring deeper emotions, and building secure connection. Sessions are more open-ended and focus on processing emotions in real time.

As a therapist, I prefer Crucible Therapy over both Gottman and EFT.