Are you Living in Emotional Poverty?
Every family exists somewhere on a spectrum of financial poverty to extreme wealth. There is a similar spectrum for emotional wealth in families. Like most therapists, I was born into emotional poverty, and have spent many years trying to help my family climb out of that pit. Let’s take a look at what families are like at various levels of emotional wealth:
Low Emotional Wealth
A family living in emotional poverty is full of strong negative emotions:
Family members rely heavily on each other to feel good about themselves and struggle to be independent.
Family members often feels worried and stressed, which leads to tension and emotional outbursts.
There’s a lot of walking on eggshells and being really careful what you say and don’t say.
People in the family blame each other for their problems and react quickly without thinking.
There's little personal space, so it's hard for family members to separate their own feelings from others'.
Often, one family member (like a child) develops problems to cope with all the family stress.
Family members stop talking to each other for days, weeks, months, or even years.
This family finds it hard to deal with changes or solve problems. The smallest emergency, or even a trip to disneyland, will lead to arguments and overwhelming emotions.
Medium Emotional Wealth
A family with medium emotional wealth works better and has more balance.
People in this family have a better idea of who they are and don't depend as much on others to feel good about themselves.
They still worry sometimes, but not as much as families with less emotional wealth.
This family handles stress and changes better. Big events might still upset them, but they bounce back more easily.
Family members get along better and can support each other emotionally. They're also more willing to ask others for help when they need it.
This family still has times when they get stressed or react emotionally, but they're better at dealing with challenges. They talk to each other more effectively, solve problems together, and control their emotions better. They're also more accepting of each other's differences and less likely to blame each other when things get tough.
High Emotional Wealth
A family with high emotional wealth works really well. These families can handle life's challenges with purpose and flexibility.
Strong Sense of Self: People in this family know who they are. They think for themselves, make their own decisions, and follow their goals without worrying too much about what others think.
Respect for Differences: This family accepts that everyone is different. They encourage each person to be unique and don't try to force their beliefs on others.
Emotional Stability: These families don't feel as worried or anxious as families with less emotional wealth. They can control their emotions well, which leads to calmer and happier interactions.
Good Communication: This family talks openly and honestly. They share their thoughts and feelings respectfully, even when they disagree, and work together to solve conflicts.
Adaptability: These families can adjust well to change. They see challenges as chances to grow and can change their expectations and behaviors when needed.
Strong Support: This family has good connections with their extended family and community. They're comfortable asking for help when they need it and also help others.
Wise Decisions: This family makes decisions based on what's right, not just on how they feel. They think about the long-term effects of their actions and make choices that match their values.
While this family still faces stress and conflicts, they have the emotional tools to handle difficulties well. Their high level of emotional wealth helps them be strong, grow as individuals, and have a satisfying family life.
