Episode 10: Non-Violent Communication for Couples With Daniel Robertson
Relationship coach Daniel Robertson joins me to talk about nonviolent communication in relationships.
Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a communication model developed by Marshall Rosenberg in the 1960s. It focuses on fostering empathy, compassion, and honest expression in interpersonal interactions. The main goal is to reduce conflict and build deeper, more respectful connections.
NVC emphasizes that beneath every action is a human need. Conflict arises not because of the needs themselves but because of the strategies we use to meet them.
Rosenberg breaks down NVC into four components:
Observation — State what you observe without judgment or evaluation. Example: “When you arrive 30 minutes late…”
Feelings — Express your emotions related to what you observed. Example: “…I feel frustrated and anxious…”
Needs — Identify the universal human needs connected to those feelings. Example: “…because I need reliability and trust.”
Request — Make a clear, doable, positive request. Example: “Would you be willing to call me if you’re going to be late?”
Key Principles
Empathy for self and others: Listen deeply, not to diagnose or fix.
Distinguishing needs from strategies: Focus on underlying needs, not just surface demands.
Avoiding moralistic judgments: Refrain from labeling others as “wrong” or “bad.”
Honest self-expression: Share authentically without blame or criticism.
