Written Mental Dialogues

A written mental dialogue is an imaginary conversation you have with someone who has had a significant impact on you, usually one of your parents. 

For your first dialogue, pick a topic that one of your parents would rather not talk about, or something they would get defensive about. Consider picking the one topic that would be hardest to discuss with one of your parents. 

Dialogues have two purposes:

  1. To get clearer on how your parents think and feel about you

  2. To practice taking a compassionate and powerful stance when discussing important things with important people.

Here’s an example:

Me:  I want to talk to you about how you body-shamed me when I was a child.

Mom:  I can’t believe you would accuse me of such a horrible thing!

Me. . .

Suggestions:

  • Visualize each part of the conversation before you write it down. Try to imagine what expression would be on your face, and on their face. Don’t sugar-coat anything, make sure you write down your best guess of what your parent would actually say.

  • Don’t try to change your parent’s mind, or to convince them of anything. Don’t try to make them feel guilty or bad. At the same time, make sure you’re the one in charge of the conversation.

  • Some parents will get defensive or say mean things in these dialogues. Talk to them about what they’re doing if that happens.

  • Focus your dialogue on one topic, and tell them what the topic is at the beginning of the dialogue (I want to talk to you about). Stay on topic, with the exception of addressing what your parent is doing right now.

  • Don’t worry too much about the first draft. Visualize a conversation, write it up, and send it to me. I’ll respond with feedback to help you get stronger.

  • Dialogues are an iterative process. The more work you put into them, the faster your brain will grow and develop. 

Email me your dialogue at james.m.christensen@gmail.com.