Why Do I Believe in Crucible Therapy?

This is a post by my friend Ben Borkan at the Maine Relationship Institute.

I am incredibly passionate about Crucible Therapy, and I believe it works because I have firsthand experience using it to develop myself and to experience the positive impact on my marriage, my daughter, my family, my friends, and my clients.

I want to help people see themselves clearly and feel empowered to make decisions about what they see in themselves and others in ways that feel good to them.

Studying Crucible Therapy is part of my own personal journey, and I want to share it with people because I believe it works. I spent years of my life anxious and depressed. I tried many therapies, including somatic experiencing, sensorimotor psychotherapy, CBT, DBT, psychodynamic therapy, Internal Family Systems, and Gestalt therapy. I found that these all helped a little: I became more aware of my negative thought patterns and maladaptive behaviors, gained insight into my childhood, learned about my parts, and became more connected to both my physical and emotional body. Despite all of this, I still struggled to manage myself and my reactions in my relationship.

My Relationship with Crucible Therapy

I was first exposed to Crucible Therapy in my own couples therapy. What stood out was that the therapist not only saw me but was compassionate toward who I was and believed I was capable of doing better. That is, I could be less reactive, more grounded, and able to make decisions that aligned with my values and considered both my partner’s perspective and my own. This therapist helped me integrate my values, feelings, and behaviors, and feel empowered to handle myself better with my partner, now my wife, in ways that would be good for us both.

Crucible Therapy not only showed me how to be this way, which meant I felt more empowered and less reactive, but it also helped me build my tolerance for difficult experiences so that I no longer reacted poorly to them. Rather, I became able to decide what I wanted to do about them in a way that didn’t have negative consequences.

I don’t mean to say that I do this perfectly. There are plenty of times I need to cut myself a slice of humble pie and apologize for mishandling myself, but even then, I am able to see myself more clearly, both from the inside and as someone observing me from the outside.

Crucible Therapy as a Mirror

Crucible Therapy integrates not only our internal experiences but also invites us to see ourselves as others see us. Most notably, we may learn how to see ourselves as our partners see us and find more choice in how we want to conduct ourselves. This, I think, is one of the biggest pieces that all the previous therapies missed. I had no idea how I was being seen by the people around me, as I was so focused on my own internal world!

About Ben

Ben Borkan, LCSW, is the founder of the Maine Relationship Institute in Belfast, Maine. He offers couples therapy and individual therapy using the Crucible approach, in person in Belfast and online. He offers a free 15-minute consultation. Call 207-370-2454 or visit mainerelationshipinstitute.org to learn more.