David Schnarch’s Best Books
Here is a list of my favorite David Schnarch books:
1. Living at the Bottom of the Ocean
What the book is about:
If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by your emotions, like you’re sinking and can’t come up for air, this book is for you. Schnarch explains how emotional regressions—times when we “lose it” emotionally—can disrupt our lives and relationships. He compares these moments to living underwater, where it’s hard to think clearly or feel in control.
Read it if you want to:
Learn practical strategies to recognize and manage emotional meltdowns. From brain-based therapy techniques to exercises like revisualizations and written dialogues, this book provides tools to climb out of emotional depths and thrive.
Read it for free:
This book is available as a free PDF download here.
2. Brain Talk
What the book is about:
Have you ever wondered how your brain helps you understand other people’s thoughts and feelings? In Brain Talk, Schnarch explores mind mapping, a fascinating way our brains connect with others. This book shows how mind mapping shapes relationships, impacts our emotional health, and can even become distorted through trauma.
Read it if you want to:
Understand the science behind relationships and human behavior. It’s ideal for repairing emotional wounds, improving communication, and strengthening connections with others.
3. Passionate Marriage
What the book is about:
Building a strong, intimate relationship isn’t easy, but Passionate Marriage makes the journey more accessible. Schnarch introduces the concept of differentiation—the ability to stay true to yourself while being deeply connected to someone else. He shares practical techniques, like “hugging till relaxed” and “eyes-open sex,” to help couples deepen their intimacy and rediscover passion.
Read it if you want to:
Grow as a person and as a partner. Whether you’re facing relationship struggles or simply want to strengthen your bond, this book offers actionable advice for creating a fulfilling, lifelong partnership.
4. Intimacy & Desire
What the book is about:
Desire is a complicated part of any relationship. In Intimacy & Desire, Schnarch dives into why normal, healthy couples often struggle with mismatched levels of sexual desire. He explains how these issues are not signs of failure but opportunities for growth.
Read it if you want to:
Reignite passion in your relationship. This book provides tools like the Four Points of Balance to help individuals and couples grow emotionally and sexually, making it perfect for anyone seeking deeper intimacy.
